Editorial
In the grand theater we quaintly call "democracy," voters have finally resolved their longest dilemma. They are suddenly able to identify, elevate, and unleash the most prolific sadists they can find, and somehow willing themselves the Canadian people to inflict this monumental damage upon themselves. It's more amazing to believe (the MSM) that Canadians are loving it!
How so? Well. A banker? Seriously, suddenly "Sadists Only' need apply?"
Gone are the days when clumsy tyrants had to seize power with armies or coups. If an army is required, they will hire a qualified one from where else, and they will be saluting the pay cheque from the new Dear Leader, no saluting flags to man the army. The system is elegant, self-recruiting, almost supernatural in its efficiency.
Canadians don't hold elections to choose leaders dedicated to minimizing suffering, instead Canadians are the audience for the world's most flamboyant sadists to perform their ritual talent show. The ballots are scorecards, such as they are, and don't count in half the country, meaning, they don't count at all.
The debates are auditions. The polling companies? These are owned by the sadists. Merely Nielsen ratings for cruelty.
Consider the audition.
First round: Rhetorical Flourish. Contestants must deliver soaring promises of compassion, equity, safety, and "building back better" while carefully avoiding any hint of how those promises will be funded or enforced, created or engaged by citizens.
Bonus points for invoking children, veterans, or climate refugees in the same breath as trillion-dollar spending plans that mysteriously never touch any groups in an impactful way.
Second round: Policy Proposal Gauntlet. Here where the real talent emerges. The sadist-in-training must craft legislation that inflicts maximum pain under the thinnest possible veil of benevolence. Examples from recent seasons:
"Universal childcare" that balloons costs so high only the already-wealthy can afford to work, while trapping lower-income families in ever-deepening dependency loops.
"Public health measures" that shutter small businesses for years, enrich pharmaceutical cartels, and leave a generation of children developmentally stunted—then rebrand the fallout as "long-term societal resilience training."
"Gun safety" statutes so labyrinthine they disarm the law-abiding while arming the bureaucracies that will later use those same weapons against inconvenient citizens.
"Carbon taxes" dressed as planetary salvation, quietly transferring wealth upward while freezing pensioners in unheated apartments during polar vortexes.
"MAiD," leading the world in assisted dying. Canada's largest growth industry..
The crowd roars approval for each new torment, because the packaging is perfect: every lash comes wrapped in moral superiority. Voters don't just tolerate the cruelty; they demand it.
They crave the vicarious thrill of watching their designated sadist punish the out-group—old people, homeless people, unvaccinated, truckers, parents who object to curriculum porn, or whoever the current villain du jour happens to be.
Third round: Implementation Orgy.
Once selected, the winner is granted four to eight years (renewable via gerrymander, media capture, or emergency decree) to turn campaign slogans into living nightmares. The beauty is in the layering: each new policy doesn't merely hurt; it compounds the agony from the previous administration's policies.
Debt explodes, inflation gnaws, housing becomes a lottery for the connected, healthcare waitlists stretch into eternity, and speech is policed by ever-expanding acronym agencies. The sadist smiles on television and calls it "progress."
We have entered, dear readers, a genuine golden age of punishment.
The old complaint—"politicians lie"—is now obsolete. They don't lie. They perform so masterfully that the electorate mistakes performance sincerity for virtue. The real lie is ours: the comforting delusion that we are choosing public servants rather than professional tormentors.
So next time you fill out a ballot, ask yourself not, "Who will serve my family's interests?" but the far more honest question: "Who among these contenders will hurt the right people the most exquisitely, and make me feel righteous while they do it?"
Because that, finally, is what democracy has been optimized for. The machine is humming. The audience is seated. Applause is mandatory.
Welcome to the show. START THE WOOD CHIPPER!
Citizen X
Not the Gingerbread Man
Still spotting kamikazes from the cheap seats
#sharp #biting #dystopian-#absurd
